


honey honey please come through

by Ninyaaaaaaah



Series: honey [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Healing, Honey, Kissing, Multi, Polyamory, Sexual Harrassment, Trauma, new relationships, pregnancy (background)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-10-27 03:54:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninyaaaaaaah/pseuds/Ninyaaaaaaah
Summary: “We want to date each other, and we want to date you,” Peggy says, grinning brightly.“So…” Maria pauses, chews at her lower lip, “So like. I’d be your girlfriend, and Herc would be my boyfriend, and you’d be Herc’s girlfriend… all at once?” Her head spins at the thought of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi. Surprise, this series has not been abandoned. 
> 
> I hate leaving things unfinished.

Maria eyes her phone on the coffee table like it might leap up and bite her. 

She sits with her knees pulled up to her chest, steaming mug of tea on a coaster beside her turned off phone. She can hear Theo moving around the bedroom, muffled by walls, hears her talking on the phone but can’t make out what she’s saying, who she might be talking to.

Aaron, Maria assumes, and tunes it out. 

She looks up at the TV screen, muted documentary about ocean life playing out in bright blues. With no sound it seems peaceful, coloured fish in coral reefs. 

In the midst of all this quiet, she can’t get the sounds of Herc and Peggy having sex out of her head, and it burns in her cheeks and her fingertips and her heart, a bitter wanting that makes her ache all over. 

“Maria?” Theo steps out into the hall, her phone in her hand. 

“Mm?” Maria twists to look up at Theo, the tired bags under her eyes, the soft warmth of her smile. 

“I have Peggy on the phone. She’d like to come up and see you, talk to you,” Theo says.

“Uhhh…” Maria blinks. She should know by now that Peggy won’t let her off the hook so easily, won’t let her vanish without a trace, but dammit she’s not ready, head spinning and heart smarting. 

“Do you want to see her?” Theo prompts gently. 

“Please Maria!” 

Maria hears Peggy’s shout, small and far away and desperate, and she gives in, and she nods.

“Okay,” she says, all bruise and smallness. 

“I’ll buzz you in,” Theo says into the phone, hits the button, and hangs up. She looks at Maria, concern in her dark eyes. “Are you going to be okay?”

Maria takes a deep breath, and nods. 

“Yeah. Might as well get it over with, hey?” She says, hurt and sadness blunting her words. 

“Alright. I’ll give you two space,” Theo comes over and drops a soft kiss to the top of Maria’s head, and leaves her alone with her thoughts, her steaming tea, her lifeless phone. 

The thought of Peggy and Herc moving on without her, growing closer to each other and closing her out… it’s unbearable. Maria’s eyes fill with tears at the mere idea of it, all that warmth and closeness sitting just out of reach, and she should have seen it coming, she should have known…

“Mariaaaaa!” Peggy flings the door open with a desperate wail, all but falls inside the apartment and closes the door too firmly behind her, rattling the pictures on the wall. 

“Hey Peggy,” Maria says softly, hugging her knees closer to her chest. 

Peggy kicks off her flip flops, flops down on the opposite end of the couch from Maria, long legs folded under her, pretzel like. She tugs her hair up into a loose ponytail, sighs, and looks at Maria.

“What gives, my girl?” She says, dark eyes searching Maria’s face. “I thought we had breakfast plans, and then you just dipped without a word!” 

Her voice is firm, not angry, but more no-nonsense than Maria’s used to, and she tries not to flinch at it, blinks wide-eyed at Peggy. 

“Um. You sounded busy…” Maria says, and she blushes and looks away, blinking back tears.

“Oh Maria, honey,” Peggy’s voice softens and she leans forwards, reaches out a gentle hand. “Maria look at me, let’s talk about this, it’s not going to go where you think it is.”

Maria looks up at Peggy through a wash of unshed tears, doesn’t reach for her hand, not yet, despair and hope warring in her chest. 

“You and Herc fucking isn’t going where I think it is?” She asks, voice thick with hurt. 

Peggy winces, leaves her hand where it is, palm upturned, gently asking. 

“Yeah, okay, so we jumped the gun a little. A lot. I… Maria I’m sorry. Honestly, I’m sorry you heard it and I’m sorry it happened like that, like this, and not how it should have,” Peggy says in a rush. 

Maria says nothing, and for a long moment they just look at each other, and Maria feels a little closer to shattering all over again with every passing second, tropical fish silently dipping in and out of view on the TV screen.

Peggy sighs again. 

“Why did you leave?” She asks again. 

“I… I couldn’t bear it,” Maria admits quietly. 

“What, though. Maria, tell me what you thought was going to happen, why you ran away,” Peggy prompts gently. 

“You and Herc… getting together. I… it…” Maria trails off helplessly. 

Peggy smiles, shakes her head a little.

“Want to listen for a minute, instead of just leaving?” Peggy says, her smile lighting something inside Maria despite herself. 

“Okay,” Maria says, because she doesn’t know what else to do, and Peggy’s here anyways. “Do you want a tea?”

 

“No. I want you to listen to me,” Peggy says. 

“Okay,” Maria says again. She twines her fingers together around her legs, and looks at Peggy. 

“Good girl. So okay, I have feelings for Herc, and he has feelings for me-”

“Wait how is this not going where I thought it was going-”

“-shhh Maria, listen to me. I’m not done. I also have romantic feelings for you. So does Herc. We want you, Maria. That’s how this is not going where you’re thinking it’s going,” Peggy finishes. 

“Wait. What?” Maria tilts her head, brow furrowed. 

“We want to date each other, and we want to date you,” Peggy says, grinning brightly. 

“So…” Maria pauses, chews at her lower lip, “So like. I’d be your girlfriend, and Herc would be my boyfriend, and you’d be Herc’s girlfriend… all at once?” Her head spins at the thought of it. 

“Yeah, exactly!” Peggy sits up straighter, smile brightening as Maria turns the idea over on her tongue. 

“Um. Is that… is that a thing?” She asks. 

Peggy giggles, and nods. 

“Sure is. Haven’t you heard of polyamory?”

“Like sisterwives?” Maria blinks. 

“No!” Peggy laughs. “No, no. That’s polygamy, that’s different. It just means like, we would all date each other, as a unit, the three of us.”

“So. Um. What does that… how does it work?” Maria worries at her bottom lip, watching Peggy’s face, her patiently outstretched hand. 

“It works however we want it to work, but, okay, so, this is how I picture it,” Peggy takes a deep breath, and her smile is hopeful and there’s a light in her eyes that’s as contagious as it always was, right from the very first moment Maria met her. “It works like you and me and Herc going on dates, all three of us, and sleepovers at the apartment all cuddled together, and sleepy breakfasts where you don’t run away and we all wake up together. It works like you and Herc going on dates just the two of you, and me and you, and me and Herc, but all of us coming back together as a unit at the end of the day. It works like us all supporting each other and loving each other and loving each other loving each other, and, and, and fighting over stupid shit like me leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor. It works like you and Herc coming home with me for holidays, or going on trips somewhere, and just, like… building a life together, all three of us.”

Maria blinks back tears at the sound of it, all the warmth and sunshine in Peggy’s voice, everything she’s offering with her outstretched hand and her bright smile and her patience. Fear grips her by the lungs, and it doesn’t want to let go, and Maria might not have visible bruises anymore, but she can still feel them there, under her ribs. 

“What- what does Herc think, about all of this?” Maria asks softly, looking down at her knees. 

Peggy laughs a soft little laugh, and leans in closer again. 

“He wants it too. It’s, okay, it’s a little easier for me to wrap my head around because my sister is in a poly relationship and she loves it, so I’ve seen it in action, I know how well it can work if everyone’s on the same page and keeps communication open. He got up this morning Maria, and all he could think of was you,” she says, delight in her voice. 

“But…” Maria looks up, surprised. “Didn’t that make you, I don’t know…”

“Jealous?” Peggy suggests. 

Maria nods. 

“No! I was thrilled, Mar. Thrilled. It means he wants the same things I want, don’t you see? We want you, we both do.” Peggy sits back again, gives Maria room to breathe. 

“I- wow, okay,” Maria blinks, trying to wrap her mind around the idea.

“What do you think?” Peggy asks, softer, quieter. 

“Um,” Maria chews her lower lip, uncertain. “It’s a lot to think about, and I, I think I need some time to think about it.” She sighs shakily, and looks at Peggy, fear buzzing under her skin. 

“That’s alright, you don’t have to give me an answer right this second, you can take some time to think about it, I just want to know what you’re feeling,” Peggy says, smiling a soft smile of encouragement, that hand still stretched out. 

Maria looks at Peggy’s hand, and she reaches for it shyly, twines their fingers gently together. 

Feels her heart warm and the fear loosen its teeth when Peggy gives her fingers a gentle squeeze. 

“I… I think I might like that,” Maria whispers, staring down at their entwined fingers. “I do. I care so much for you, and Herc too, and the idea that I was going to lose you both to each other was pretty awful, but I just… I’m scared, Peggy, and I need time.”

“Okay, that’s okay. I promise you’re always allowed to take as much time and space as you need Maria. We’re not your keepers. Just… don’t freeze us out, alright? Actually, you know what? If you want to talk to someone about all this that isn’t Herc or I, talk to Laf and John,” Peggy lets go of Maria’s hand and stands up. “If Herc and I don’t hear from you in three or four days, we’ll get in touch, okay? Not to demand an answer or anything, but just to say hi. And if, god, if you decide you’re not in, we’re still your friends, I promise. No pressure, okay?” 

Maria looks up at Peggy, and she bites her lower lip again and she nods, letting out a shaky breath.

“Alright, deal,” she says, relief flooding through her. 

“Good. Can I have a hug, before I go?” Peggy asks, opening her arms. 

Maria didn’t know she needed it until Peggy asked for it, but she gets up and wraps her arms around Peggy, leans in and hugs her tight, closes her eyes and lets her head rest against Peggy’s shoulder and just lets herself feel the depth of her want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some love?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will be once a week on Mondays until I'm done writing this - then I'll probably update more frequently because I have no self control :)

Maria can’t sit still after that. 

So she dumps her cold tea down the drain, and she washes the dishes and bakes a batch of berry muffins, and she oils the dark wood of the kitchen table, wipes down the fridge, chops veggies and chicken and throws it in the crock pot for dinner- thai chicken soup that will cook itself all day on low and be ready just in time for Aaron to get home from work. 

She waters the plants and opens the windows to let the warm, fresh air in, spring fading into summer, sun low and warm in the sky. 

She vacuums and dusts and cleans the windows, cleans and cleans until there’s simply nothing left to clean, and then stands at the open window with her arms wrapped around her belly, staring out at a city in full bloom. 

“Maria? Are you alright?” Theo comes out of the bedroom, and she looks tired but happy, cheeks a little hollow beneath her smile. 

“I think so,” Maria answers, and she means it, something new and liberating about the knowledge that she’s free to make a choice.

“What did Peggy say?” Theo comes over and stands beside Maria, looks down at the city below. 

“They want us to date. All three of us,” she says, tongue turning over the words like a puzzle. 

“Huh. And?” Theo looks at Maria, and Maria looks back, and she raises one shoulder in a tiny shrug. 

“I’m not sure,” she says. 

“I couldn’t do it,” Theo says with a small laugh. “I’m bad at sharing. But you did say you have feelings for both of them, so…” she trails off, and looks out the window again. 

“Yeah. I do, I definitely do. I just need some time, that’s all,” Maria says.

“I think that’s smart. It’s a beautiful day outside, why don’t you get out of here? Fresh air to clear your head?” Theo suggests. 

“Yeah, yeah that sounds like a good idea,” Maria says. She smiles gratefully at Theo, and pads to the bathroom to change. She’ll go for a walk, let the late spring sun warm her face and soothe the fear in her bones. She’ll get out of Theo’s hair for a while, let her friend have her home to herself. 

She changes into jeans and a t-shirt, tugs her hair back into a low ponytail under her left ear. She swipes on some eyeliner and mascara so all she’ll need to do later is add eyeshadow and lipstick, and she heads for the door. 

The warm air and fresh breeze lift Maria’s spirits instantly, and she smiles to herself, glad Theo suggested she get out of the apartment. She wanders the streets for a while, until her feet find their way to Central Park. 

She watches a young couple rent bikes, laughing and flirting with one another as they swipe their cards and pull the bikes free. They get on and ride away, and Maria is left looking at the line of pristine yellow bikes. 

And why not?

Feeling a little silly, Maria approaches the bikes. It takes her a moment to figure out the rental machine, but then she does, and she swipes her debit card and chooses a bike, pulling it free from its rack. 

She hasn’t ridden a bike since she was a kid, and she’s not sure she’ll remember how, but she swings her leg over anyways and pushes off. 

She wobbles down the path, startled shriek of laughter escaping her before she can catch herself. 

She blushes red and ducks her head, gets her feet and the pedals moving in tune, and relaxes a little. 

It’s a frivolous thing, but her heart lifts at the beautiful day and the wind in her hair and the sun high in the sky. She can’t remember the last time she did something just for the fun of it on her own, if she ever did. 

She follows the winding paths through the park, weaving through tourists, and taking it all in, soaking it up. 

The flowerbeds are bursting with blooms, yellows and pinks and blues and oranges that make Maria wish for a moment that she could paint. She shakes off that silly thought, pedals over a bridge and keeps going, and she catches herself thinking about how much fun this would be with Herc and Peggy here to share it with her. How much they would laugh, how much warmer the day would seem. 

How they could go for dinner after, or lounge on a blanket until the sun sets, about how safe and warm and happy she always feels with them… 

So she stops the bike and hops off, leans on the rail of the bridge for a moment and watches a pair of ducks in the water below her. 

Then she takes out her phone and sends a quick text.

 **Maria:** Hey. Can we chat about something, soon? Laf too?

She rests her arms on the warm wooden railing and leans over, watching the sun ripple on the water, watching the ducks dip their heads under in search of food. 

Her phone chimes, and she picks it up, flutter of nerves in her chest. 

**John:** Hey! Yeah sure, whenever!

Maria smiles, taps her finger on the side of her phone for a moment before answering.

 **Maria:** Tomorrow? 10am? I’ll bring Starbucks…

 **John:** Done! 

Maria tucks her phone away and hops back on the bike. Pedals away in the afternoon sun, letting her fear chase itself around under her skin.


	3. Chapter 3

Maria shows up at John and Lafayette’s door at 10am on the dot. She balances a tray of Starbucks drinks in one hand- a london fog for herself, John’s grande americano, and Lafayette’s venti caramel frappucino blending the scents of earl gray, coffee, and caramel in her nose. 

She knocks, purse balanced in the elbow of her free arm, and shifts the drinks to her other hand while she waits. 

John opens the door and steps back to let her in. 

“You didn’t have to bring Starbucks, honestly,” he says, taking the tray from her so she can set down her purse and kick off her shoes. 

“I wanted to. Have to do something to show my thanks for you letting me talk your ear off,” Maria answers. 

“No way, that’s what friends do. Thank you, though,” John grins, and leads Maria into the living room. 

“Maria! You are an angel!” Lafayette accepts his frappucino with delight, and pats the spot beside him on the white sofa. 

“Thanks Laf,” Maria blushes at the praise and ducks her head. She sits on the armchair next to the sofa, tucks her feet up underneath her, and cradles her london fog in her lap like a safety blanket. 

“So, what is on your mind, my dear?” Lafayette asks, watching Maria earnestly. 

John flops down beside Lafayette, leaning into him comfortably, Lafayette’s arm slinging automatically over his shoulder. The easy comfort between them tugs at something deep in Maria’s heart, a yearning that she’s terrified to acknowledge. 

“Um,” Maria stares at the white lid of her cup in her hands, and takes a deep breath, suddenly shy. “Peggy says that she and Herc want to date, like, all three of us at once.”

“Told you!” John hollers, punching a fist in the air in delight. 

Maria blinks, startled, and Lafayette swats John’s thigh affectionately. 

“Do not be uncouth, John,” he says mildly, smile playing around his lips. 

“Um,” Maria says, taken aback. 

“Peggy is not good at hiding her feelings, so we had guessed some time ago. Adrienne, actually, is the one who first suspected,” Lafayette explains. 

“Oh,” Maria says, blinking. 

“So, did you say yes?” John asks, leaning forwards a little. 

Maria shakes her head woefully, and stares down at her drink again. 

“No,” she says quietly. “I told Peggy I need to think about it.”

She bites her lower lip, shaking a little at the thought that she might have thrown away the chance to have something she really, truly wants. Her heart already aches with the absence of Peggy and Herc, but fear sits beside the ache, and holds its hand. 

“Do you have feelings for them?” Lafayette asks gently. 

Maria nods miserably.

“Okay. So, what are your worries, angel?” Lafayette rubs John’s shoulder reassuringly, watching Maria closely. 

“I… I don’t know…” Maria takes a sip of her drink, milky bergamot and sweetness soothing over her tongue. “I. I’m scared,” she admits. 

“Of?” John asks. 

“I’ve never… I’ve never dated two people at once. I’ve never dated _anyone_ except James, and… and that hurt so much,” Maria pauses for another sip of her tea, another deep breath, vision swimming through unshed tears. “I’m scared of losing myself, my freedom. I’m scared of getting hurt.”

“But Herc and Peggy won’t hurt you,” John protests. 

“Hush, it’s alright to be afraid, Maria. I would be afraid too, in your shoes,” Lafayette says. “It would be a shame, though, if you let fear hold you back from things that could be truly wonderful for you.” 

“I know, I just. It’s all so new,” Maria says. “How do you make it work, having more than just the two of you?”

“John?” Lafayette looks at John, all soft smile, all affection. “Perhaps you should field this one.” He looks back at Maria, gently squeezing John’s shoulder. 

John leans into Lafayette, and grins at Maria. 

“I was as new to all this as you are when I met Laf. Laf and Adrienne were dating long before me or Angelica came into the picture,” John explains. “I came last. Laf was already dating both of them when he met me. I didn’t know what to think. Here was Laf, and he had Adrienne, and they’re so… well, you’ve met them. They’re charming and stunning and dynamic and intimidating. And then he also had Angelica, and she’s sexy and fun and amazing too, and I was like… why the heck do you want me too?” He laughs, and Lafayette makes a small sound of disapproval. 

“He, like you, did not see how much he has to offer,” Lafayette cuts in. 

Maria blushes softly at the soft reprimand, and takes another sip of her drink. 

“I also didn’t know what to do with this ridiculously gorgeous man with his ridiculously gorgeous partners and ridiculously complicated relationships,” John retorts. “But I couldn’t let him go, there was no way. So I learned.”

“Wasn’t it hard?” Maria asks timidly, watching the two of them together now, so soft and so comfortable, and the thought of it damn near breaks her heart. 

“Of course, at times,” John says, and he leans into Lafayette a little bit, takes a moment to look up at him and smile soft, before looking back at Maria. “It’s worth it though, and Laf was really good about making sure we talked about everything. It took some time to get used to, but now I love seeing how much happiness he gets from Adrienne and Angelica too, and how much happiness they get from each other, and even though I’m only dating Laf, I’ve become so close with Ang and Adrienne too.” 

“So you see, sweet one? It can work, as long as everyone is open about how they are feeling and what they need,” Lafayette adds. 

Maria nods, feeling comforted by their enthusiasm and their optimism. 

“Yeah, that makes sense. I guess… I guess it’s not that different from any other relationship…” She fiddles with the cardboard sleeve on her cup, anxiety still bubbling under her skin, but softer now. 

“Exactly. Think about what would make you feel safe, and comfortable, and write it down. I said the same thing to John when we first began dating. Then have a conversation with Herc and Peggy about those things, and see where it goes, no?” Lafayette suggests, John nodding at his suggestion. 

“Okay, that’s a good idea. Thanks Lafayette. Thanks John,” Maria smiles softly, feeling less like she’s being eaten alive by her own worries. 

“There, see? Now, we are going to go out for brunch, would you like to come? Adrienne is meeting us there as well. Angelica unfortunately has to work,” Lafayette offers. 

“Oh, um-”

“Please?” John cuts Maria off, wide smile on his face. 

“Okay,” Maria can’t help but smile back, heart warmed by their enthusiastic inclusion.


	4. Chapter 4

A day spent with Lafayette, Adrienne, and John does wonders for Maria’s spirits. The seamless, affectionate way they interact with one another leaves no shadow of a doubt in Maria’s mind that what Peggy and Herc have envisioned is not only possible, it could be downright wonderful. 

The openness with which they share things- Adrienne exclaiming once again that they’d love to have Maria as their own, if she wasn’t already ‘spoken for’, and Lafayette teasing them about it goodnaturedly. John play sulking when Lafayette kisses Adrienne and not him, and then Adrienne leaning over and kissing him instead, resulting in giggles all around. The trust, the communication, the companionship… 

Maria lets John hug her goodbye, lets Adrienne kiss her on the cheek, and leaves them feeling optimistic, if still unsure. 

She walks home alone, relishing the quiet, the chance to let her swirling thoughts sink in. The smells and sounds of the city wash over her, cigarette smoke and horns honking, mingling aromas from restaurants and people shouting… it’s home, to her. 

She takes her time, walking slow as the sun begins to set, washing the streets in gold. 

It’s a warm night, the kind of weather that makes her want to stay outside, makes her want to pause a little and just breathe it in. The kind of moment James used to ruin by snapping at her to hurry up, by grabbing her arm and dragging her down the street. 

So she stops and she wraps her arms around herself and she just stands still for a minute, lets the evening flow around her, lets herself savour the warm breeze on her face, the feeling of her own ribs expanding as she breathes in, and the knowledge that for the first time in years, her body doesn’t bear a single bruise. 

Smiling softly, Maria keeps walking. The freedom of having nowhere to be, no one to answer to, is exhilarating and intimidating. 

She’s never been in charge of her own life. 

The thought of it makes her heart race. 

Maria enters the apartment building, smiles shyly at the doorman, and waits for the elevator. 

When she gets to Aaron and Theo’s floor, and lets herself in, she’s greeted with the mouth-watering scent of spaghetti and garlic, and the familiar comfort of Theo and Aaron, settled on the couch with Theo’s feet in Aaron’s lap. 

“Hey Mar, there’s leftover spaghetti still warm on the stove if you’d like some,” Aaron says. 

“We were just going to put on a movie, want to join us?” Theo offers. 

“Thanks, I’d love to, no don’t get up I’ll get it,” Maria stops Theo from moving with a wave of her hand, and drops her purse on the floor by the coffee table as the passes through the living room to the kitchen. 

She helps herself to a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs, cuts the noodles up so they’re easier to eat in the living room, and grabs a slice of garlic bread. 

She pads back into the living room to find they’ve made room for her on the couch, Theo in the middle. 

“Smells amazing, thank you,” Maria tucks herself into the corner of the couch, and stuffs a meatball into her mouth before realizing something. 

“Mph!” She says, then flushes in embarrassment when both Theo and Aaron turn to look at her questioningly. 

“Are… you alright?” Aaron asks. 

Maria chokes back a laugh and flaps her hand, chewing her meatball furiously and wishing she hadn’t just taken such a huge mouthful of food. It feels like it takes her forever to chew and swallow, both Aaron and Theo waiting patiently. 

“Phew, sorry. Theo, I just remembered you said you had news!” Maria twists to look at Theo. “What’s going on?” 

“Oh! You’re right, Maria. Aaron and I wanted you to be the first outside our immediate family to know- I’m pregnant!” Theo says, and she’s glowing and smiling the biggest smile, and Aaron looks so pleased Maria wonders that he doesn’t just float away right then and there. 

“What!? Oh my god! Congratulations!” Maria flings her arms around Theo, hugs her tight, all her worry over her friend’s on and off sickness dissipating. 

Theo hugs her back, laughing, and Maria meets Aaron’s gaze over Theo’s shoulder, and he’s smiling from ear to ear. 

“Thank you Maria,” Theo says, and Aaron looks like he’s beyond words at all, and Maria marvels at the idea of a tiny baby, born into this home that bursts at the seams with love. 

“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you,” she says, and it doesn’t seem real, just seems like some sort of far away miracle that she can’t quite comprehend. 

“We’re really excited, we’ve been hoping for a while, but, well, you just never know with these things,” Theo says, and she loops her arm over Maria’s shoulder and cuddles against her, and Aaron leans into Theo’s other side, and Maria feels nearly overwhelmed with joy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, sorry for the delay guys :(

It doesn’t strike her until later, how much of a life change Theo’s pregnancy will mean for all of them. 

She’s lying on her back on the couch, listening to the soft hum of the appliances, fading scent of her perfume blending softly into night. 

She thinks about the soft tranquility, the quiet of the apartment, how comfortable she’s grown sinking into this couch every night. 

How she’s sort of forgotten that this is just temporary, that this isn’t her home, that she doesn’t belong on a couch in her friends’ living room, taking up their space, overstaying her welcome. 

How now, with a baby on the way, they’re not going to want her to stay here. They’re going to need their space, their couch, their lives back. They’re going to need their privacy when they bring the new baby into the house. 

They’re going to need Maria out. 

She twists to reach for her phone, pulls up her banking app and stares at the numbers, takes a few deep breaths, and doesn’t quite succeed at keeping the panic at bay. 

It creeps up her throat with a thousand tiny sharp claws, and it brings tears to her eyes because she just isn’t ready, she doesn’t want to think about it, she just wants to stay here on this couch forever, safe, and warm. 

It brings tears to her eyes, and she tries to choke them back, tired of falling asleep with a stuffed up nose and puffy eyes. She’s not ready, she’s not ready. 

She’s tired of wet pillows and a chest that aches from nerves, tired of uncertainty, tired of feeling like a burden. 

She doesn’t want to go, but with a baby on the way, how can she stay? 

They won’t want her to. 

She takes a shaky breath, pinches the bridge of her nose. 

Puts her phone back on the table and counts down from ten.

“It’s okay,” she whispers to herself, like a million times before, struggling between a sense of fear and an emerging sense of self. 

She turns over, counts down from ten again, and tugs the blanket up to her ears. 

Puts thinking about it off until morning.

~*~

In the morning, Maria’s first instinct is to text Herc. 

She hesitates with her thumbs poised over her phone, and doesn’t text him. It would be unfair, to put her worries on him while he and Peggy are still waiting on answers from her. 

She chews at her lower lip, and puts her phone away. 

Gets up instead and gets dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. She folds her blanket and puts it away on top of her suitcase, pillow on top of that. 

She washes the dishes and tidies the living room. She wipes down the kitchen table, and then the coffee table, fresh lemon scent of the cleaner relaxing her frayed nerves.

She starts breakfast, thick bread dipped in a whisked mixture of cinnamon, eggs, milk, and vanilla. As she watches egg drip off a piece of bread, Maria tries to let go of the tension, let go of the worry. 

She drops the bread in the frying pan, listens to it sizzle, scent of cinnamon filling the air. 

She closes her eyes, takes another deep breath, tries to let the morning calm wash over her. 

Instead, anxiety bubbles up again, and she opens her eyes, tries not to choke on it. 

She fills the kettle with water, puts it on to boil. Starts the coffee maker, sets the table, waters the plants, wipes down the front of the fridge. 

She sets out a bowl of fresh berries, sets out milk, and sugar, maple syrup, and whipped cream. 

Finally, she’s left with nothing to do but flip french toast, and worry. 

Worry about Peggy and Hercules. Worry about Theo and Aaron. Worry about affording to move out, and living on her own, and, and, and-

“Oh my god Maria,” she hisses to herself, and flips a slice of french toast with a huff. 

She’s glad she’s meeting Eliza later, anything to take her mind off everything she’s chasing her own tail in circles about.

~*~

At Eliza’s, Maria sits curled into a plush armchair, Buttons the cat curled up in her lap, his long, black fur soft under her fingers. She has a peach herbal tea on a coaster next to her chair, and the scent of it mingles with the sea breeze candle Eliza has lit on the coffee table. 

She smooths her fingertips over Buttons’ soft forehead, smiles as he closes his eyes and lets out a contented purr. 

“Well,” Eliza says, and she watches Maria with her soft, dark, eyes, digesting everything Maria poured out to her in a huge rush of anxious words. Everything, Peggy and Herc and Theo’s baby, all of it. And Eliza just listened, patient and sweet, and Maria doesn’t know what she ever did to deserve her, but she’s glad of it. 

“What do _you_ want, Maria? I don’t mean just like, tomorrow, or the next day. For your life? What are your dreams, Maria?” She asks, soft, coaxing. 

“Um,” Maria blinks at the question, winces away from it. 

“No seriously. What do you _want_ ,” Eliza leans forward, big smile on her face, cupping her chai tea in both hands. “I know it sounds scary, but it’s exciting too, isn’t it?”

“Um,” Maria says again, the big picture of a life with no constraints impossibly intimidating still. She picks up her tea and takes a sip, hiding behind the mug. “It all seems so impossible.”

“Oh, I know! But, I bet you’ve got something now that you thought was impossible a year ago…” Eliza trails off invitingly, and waits. 

Maria’s first instinct is to shake her head no, to retreat into herself, but she stops, and she really thinks about what Eliza is saying instead of reacting out of fear, Eliza’s patient silence giving her the space to breathe into the idea, unthreatened. 

“Um,” she says, and she blinks down at Buttons, then nods timidly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I. I left James…” her confidence grows as she speaks, and she smiles a little. “I have friends, and I have savings…” 

“See!” Eliza grins brightly. “Sooooo. There must be things you want for your life. You don’t have to start big.”

“Well,” Maria flushes a little, looks down at her mug in her hands. “I’d love to get my GED. I dropped out in junior year because James said I had to, because he did it too. It would be nice to finish.”

“See, that’s a good start? What else?” Eliza leans over and grabs a notebook off the coffee table, flips it open, and scribbles something down with a pen she plucks from behind her ear. 

“Hmm. I always wanted a bedroom decorated in pink and gray- are you writing this down?” Maria leans forward, startling Buttons out of her lap. 

“Hush, yes. More daydreaming, less watching what I’m doing,” Eliza scolds playfully. 

Maria can’t help but laugh.

“A balcony. Oh, and a bathtub!”

“Now we’re talking!”

“I think I’d like to take up some sort of exercise class. I don’t know what, yet, but it might be good for me? Not yoga. That went horribly,” Maria shudders at the memory, and Eliza shrugs.

“So fuck yoga. We’ve got a bedroom and a GED and a balcony and a bathtub and fitness class. What else? Dream, Maria.” Eliza settles back, notebook on her knee, eyes on the page.

“Well, I don’t want to be a bartender forever, so I guess eventually get a different job, a career maybe. I want to go on vacation somewhere- I’ve never left the city. Maybe Paris? The mountains?” Maria pulls her feet up in front of her, rests her mug on her knees and lets her head rest against the back of the chair. 

“I want to fall in love again,” she says, and her voice trembles when she says it, and her heart quivers in anticipation. “James took so much from me, I see that now,” she says, and she has to take a steadying breath. “But that doesn’t mean I have to let him take more…”

“That’s it,” Eliza says quietly, pride and admiration in her low voice. “That’s my girl.”

“I. I don’t even know how to dream. I don’t know how to want anything for myself, but I want to. I want to go on an airplane. I want to ride on a boat. I want to see mountains, and the ocean. I want to go camping, and try sushi, and go out dancing all night. I want to get dressed in the morning without worrying that I’m showing too much skin. I want to fall in love and be loved back, properly. I want to go to school and learn and get a better job and have my own apartment and go on a cruise and go on safari and ride in a hot air balloon and get to know who I am, now that I can be whoever I want.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummmmm.
> 
> sorry friends. 
> 
> exams happened and then I went to Paris for a week and then I hit the ground running with work and apparently needed a break from writing but, here's chapter 6?

Possibility bubbles underneath Maria’s skin, and for the first time it feels like hope and not like fear. 

She carries it with her through her days, and in the quiet hours between work and trying to feel like she’s doing enough to deserve to stay on Theo and Aaron’s couch, she begins to plan.

She looks at the number in her savings account, really looks at it. She takes deep breaths and stares at it and tries not to cry and shake over the thought of putting one foot in front of the other and taking her next steps to making her life her own. 

She sits on the couch and looks around at the spotless room, her suitcase and the blanket in folded neatly on top of it, the life she’s lived so neatly contained for months now. 

She walks around the city, hands in the pockets of her jeans, and tries to let herself relax into it more. 

She marvels at the way the tension begins to seep out of her shoulders. 

She looks at the tips she takes home at the end of the night, really looks at them. She takes deep breaths and tries not to panic, feels like she’s on the edge of something overwhelmingly huge. 

Underneath that, feels that hum of possibility. 

She goes shopping with Eliza, and she feels naked and brand new trying on a pair of jean shorts and a flirty yellow tank top, but Eliza insists she looks amazing, and she hasn’t worn shorts since she was fifteen, before James, and when she steps out into the late spring sun wearing them, her jeans in her shopping bags, the sun feels brand new and delightful on her soft skin. 

She lets Eliza encourage her into buying a couple summer dresses, the kind she’d wear on her day off instead of to the bar. Lets Eliza coax her into trying on all kinds of things outside of her comfort zone, and positively beams when Angelica joins them partway through the day, reserved but friendly, forgiveness unspoken but clear in her smile. 

She lets herself take up space. 

She flips through her notebook of financial notes, things Aaron has taught her since she moved in. She reads, and she prepares, and she works out a budget. 

She applies to view a small apartment closer to the bar she works in.

In the quiet moments, and the loud ones, in between the laughter and the growth and the shivering of possibilities under her skin, Maria misses Herc and Peggy something fierce. 

Finally, sitting at the kitchen table after breakfast with the kitchen sparkling clean and her tea steaming in its mug beside her, Maria texts Hercules. 

**Maria:** Hey Herc. I uh, I wanted to say hi. I hope that’s okay

She’s not sure where to start, how to begin to build a bridge when it was she who asked for distance in the first place. 

She doesn’t have to wait long, the soft chime of her phone sending a flutter of anxiety through her before she picks it up to look at it. 

**Hercules:** Of course. I miss you, how’re you doing?

She smiles, doesn’t know what to do with the shivery happiness that runs through her body like a thrill. 

**Maria:** Good! How about you? 

Maria sips her tea, and realizes she hasn’t spoken with Hercules about any of this, hasn’t spoken to him at all since she told Peggy she needed time. 

**Maria:** Can we meet for coffee? I’d love to see you, and talk about all of this…

She tries to breathe through the nerves, takes another sip of her tea while she waits, tension humming through her body. 

**Hercules:** I’d really like that. Tell me when and where and I’ll be there. 

Relief floods Maria, turns her bones to liquid. 

**Maria:** 11? Bean Around? 

**Hercules:** Done.

Maria slips her phone away, and cups her hands around her mug of tea. She stares into the warm liquid for a moment, closes her eyes and takes slow, grounding breaths. Nerves and hope tussle in her belly, and she wishes for calm, wouldn’t know what to do with it if she had it. 

With a sigh, she finishes her tea and washes out the mug, and then instead of finding something else in the spotless apartment to clean, Maria changes into yoga pants and a pair of worn sneakers with a hole in one toe, pulls on a loose t-shirt, throws her hair in a ponytail, and leaves the apartment. 

She jogs around the block, pays attention to the way her lungs fill with air, the way they burn at the exertion, the way her heart beats faster to keep up with her feet. She notices how her body, her trusting, willing body, stretches and pushes to so this new thing she’s asked of it, even though she’s never asked it before. 

She feels her face flush, feels the sweat build up in her hair and down her back, and when she stops she stretches her arms above her head and basks in the tired feeling of accomplishment. 

On impulse, she steps into a running store on her way back to the apartment. 

She buys herself a new pair of sneakers, red and black and white. 

She eyes the racks of fancy, high tech clothes, and before she can convince herself she doesn’t deserve it, she adds in a black tank top and a pair of red and black running shorts. 

Still, it takes a moment of convincing for her to throw the old shoes away when she gets home. Even though she knows they’re worn out, that wearing them isn’t going to do her body any good. 

She puts the new shoes in her corner of the closet, and tucks the workout clothes away. Feels a little reckless, a little unsure about her decision to buy them. 

After a moment of hesitation, she digs the receipt out of the bag, tears it up, and throws it away. 

That done, Maria hops in the shower, and gets ready to meet Hercules. 

~*~

From the moment Maria walks into Bean Around, Herc’s bright smile calms her nerves and makes her stomach do a silly little flip flop. 

She walks over to the quiet corner table he’s snagged, and sits down across from him. He’s holding a large pink coffee mug, and on her side of the table, there’s already a pale blue mug with creamy white froth and an earl gray tea bag dangling from the side. 

“Thank you,” she says, suddenly shy. 

“My pleasure. How are you?” Herc takes a sip of his coffee, lounging relaxed in the plush armchair. He’s as handsome as ever in a tight gray t-shirt and a slouchy knit beanie, and Maria wishes for a moment she could crawl into his lap and curl up. 

Instead, blushing slightly, she toes off her flip flops and tucks her feet up underneath her in her chair, cradling her warm mug in her lap. 

“I’m good, you?” She peers up at him through her bangs, and she’s nervous and she doesn’t know what to say and she feels silly for inviting him here, but she just desperately wanted to see him… 

“I’m doing well. We miss you, what are you up to?” Herc asks, gentle, sweet. 

“Um. Not a lot. Just, thinking about a lot. Um,” Maria takes a deep breath, looks away and watches the line of customers at the counter for a moment, blond barista chatting them up as they make coffee. 

She looks back at Herc, steels herself, and just asks,

“What do you think, about all of this? You and Peggy and me?”

Herc smiles and sets his coffee down on the table between them. He leans forwards and rests his chin in his hands, looking up at her like she’s the most exquisite thing he’s ever seen. 

“I didn’t know it was possible, Mar, swear to god I didn’t. I was tearing myself up inside trying to work out my feelings and feeling like some kind of awful traitor, and then in waltzes our Pegs with all the answers already worked out. I don’t know how she does that, honest,” Herc reaches out one hand to her, and holds it palm up, just waiting. 

Maria looks at his hand for a long moment, then reaches out too, puts her hand in his so he can stroke the backs of her fingers with his thumb. 

“I think it’ll take some work, especially at first, as we all get to know each other and work this whole thing out. It’s been ages since I had one girlfriend, let alone two!” Herc grins, and Maria allows herself a small, nervous giggle. 

“But I’ll tell you this, Maria. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s perfect. I want her, of course, you know that- and I’m sorry, Maria, that that’s how this all came about- but damn I want you too,” he lets go of her hand, sits back and takes another sip of coffee, allowing her space. 

Maria watches him back, quiet for a moment, the warmth of his fingers still lingering on her hand. 

“What do you want, though? What are you thinking, Maria?” Herc prompts. 

Maria chews her lower lip, looks away again and watches a young woman walk by with two children, then looks back at Herc. She takes a sip of her london fog. 

“It’s a lot to take in,” she says finally, and Herc nods his agreement. 

She picks at the frayed edge of a hole in the knee of her jeans. 

“I think I want it too, but I think I still need time to think about it,” she takes a deep breath, chokes back the threat of tears. “It’s scary,” she admits. 

“You’ve got all the time in the world, my girl. We’ll wait. I’m enjoying having my bed to myself while we wait,” Herc grins, teasing. 

Maria blinks, and tilts her head slightly, taking that in. 

“Oh come on, you didn’t think we were just going ahead without you this whole time, did you? When we agreed to wait, we meant on all of it,” Herc says. 

“Oh,” Maria responds. 

She takes another sip of her latte, and stares at the whole in the knee of her jeans, trying to push back the overwhelmed swell in her chest. 

“What’s scary, Maria? Maybe the three of us should talk about those things, maybe it will help?” Herc suggests. 

Maria chews her lower lip, and takes another sip of her latte. 

“Um. I’m scared of things being like they were, with James. I’m scared that I just started finding out who I am, and I don’t want to lose that. I’m scared that you and Peggy will get tired of me, or will love each other more. I’m scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of losing you. I just… James hurt me so much, Herc. I’m so scared to try again,” she’s barely whispering by the end, but Herc just listens, leaning in, calm and quiet and as steady as he always is, and she knows as she speaks that some of her fears are unfounded, but she can’t help it. 

Herc waits a moment after she stops talking, and nods. 

“I think those are all reasonable fears. When you’re ready for it, Maria, I think we should all talk about our fears and our worries, and maybe we can work out a plan to handle them. If that’s what you want, and when you’re ready. What do you think?” Herc offers. 

Maria turns the idea over in her head. The idea that he and Peggy might also have fears gives her pause, and comforts her. 

She nods. 

“I think. I think that’s a good idea,” she says. 

“Wonderful,” Herc smiles, and looks towards the counter before grinning across the table at Maria. “Now, I think that calls for a cupcake, don’t you?”

Maria laughs, and nods.

“Okay, but let me get it?” She offers. 

Herc opens his mouth to protest, then acquiesces. 

“Alright. Mint chocolate?” 

“Yuck, alright,” Maria makes a face, and Herc laughs, and she gets up to go to the counter to get cupcakes- mint chocolate for Herc, and a far more civilised red velvet for herself. 

Conversation drifts naturally between bites of sweet, moist cupcake, and Maria relaxes more and more as the hours tick by. She laughs when Herc tries to feed her a bite of his mint chocolate cupcake, balls up her napkin and throws it at him in self defense, and before she knows it they’ve been there for hours, and her cheeks hurt from smiling, and her heart feels lighter, and the only thing that would have made it better would have been if Peggy had been here too, but she knows it was important for her to see Herc on his own, to know what he was thinking…

So she goes home feeling lighter, and she peeks at her new workout clothes hiding in her suitcase and shakes her head at herself, and she goes to work with a spark of hope lodged firmly in her chest.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm one, maybe two, chapters away from finished this fic, so updates quicker now :)

Maria takes a deep breath, looks at Theo and Aaron across the table from her, and steels herself. The morning sun streaming into the corner of the kitchen is comforting, the familiarity of the three of them at the small, round table, belgian waffles and toppings waiting on plates. 

“I’ve been thinking,” she starts, voice a little shaky, afraid of what comes next, but a little excited too. 

She takes a sip of her tea, watches the way they watch her, so patient, so kind. 

“With a baby on the way, well, I think maybe it’s time I gave you guys your couch back,” she smiles. “I have enough saved up now to be comfortable, and I think… I think I’m ready.”

There’s a moment of silence, and then Theo’s at her side, pulling her into a tight hug. 

“Oh honey, you know you don’t have to, you know you can always stay, forever and ever if that’s what you wanted, baby or not, but if that’s what you want, if you feel like you’re ready, then I’m happy to support you,” she says, holding Maria tight.

Maria laughs, and she feels lighter than she expected to feel, and she hugs Theo back, leaning into her friend and basking in the consistent brightness of her love. 

“Thank you. Theo, Aaron, you guys literally saved my life, and I can’t ever thank you enough, but I think it’s important to me that I do this, that I learn to really be on my own,” Maria leans into Theo, and Theo holds her, and she feels so happy, so free. 

“I have one condition on this,” Aaron says quietly. 

Maria lets Theo go, looks over at Aaron, a tendril of worry creeping down her spine. 

“What?” She asks. 

He smiles, and she relaxes a touch. 

“I want it to be explicitly clear that just because you move out doesn’t mean you can’t come back. If you’re lonely, or something happens, or you hate living alone, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. You’ll always be welcome with us, understand?” He says. 

Maria can feel herself choking up, tears threatening the corners of her eyes, and she nods, and she thinks she’s got a handle on her emotions but then she looks at Theo, and Theo’s eyes are full of tears, and it’s enough to push Maria over the edge, and then they’re both crying, and Maria laughs through her tears as Aaron throws his hands in the air in defeat. 

“I can’t win,” he mopes, and both Theo and Maria laugh watery laughs. 

“We love you, Maria, don’t you forget that,” Theo says, and Maria nods again, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

“One more thing,” Aaron butts in. “Come over for dinner once a week, Maria, please.”

“I can do that,” Maria says. “I’ll even cook.”

“I’m not going to say no to that offer,” Aaron replies, and then, quietly:

“I’m so proud of you, Maria.”


	8. Chapter 8

Maria is a bundle of nerves, standing on the sidewalk, staring up at the exterior of a shabby apartment building in a decent part of town. 

She looks at the building, the small windows, the dirty brick, feels like holding her breath, feels like crying, feels more scared than excited, frozen on the first half step of making her goals a reality. 

Her own apartment. 

And maybe it’s this one.

She takes a deep breath and steps into the lobby. The tile is worn and chipped, buttons on the intercom half worn off, threadbare carpet bunched up in the middle of the lobby. 

Maria reminds herself that it’s not this part that matters. The apartment is within her budget, and it’s in a good location, and it’s not like she’ll be living in the lobby…

She punches in the intercom, and is rewarded with an obnoxious buzzing sound and the click of the door unlocking. 

Quickly, she darts through the door and rides the shabby elevator up to the fourteenth floor. 

Still, it takes courage to knock on the door to apartment 1405. 

“Hello, Maria?” The landlord is the same height as Maria, wire thin with a shaggy beard. 

“Hello, nice to meet you,” Maria steps into the apartment, looking around. 

He gives her a tour, shows her the small bedroom with its rattley window air conditioner. She looks at the dingy gray walls, listens to the floorboards creak beneath her feet, nearly has a panic attack when she squeezes into the tiny kitchen with the landlord and there’s barely enough room for her to stand without touching him. 

She takes in the cramped bathroom with its moulding shower stall, the old, worn carpet in the living room, and as she stands looking out the window at the alleyway below, she wishes with all her heart that Herc and Peggy were there with her. 

She needs Herc’s steadiness, the way just looking at him and meeting his gaze makes her feel stronger. 

She needs Peggy’s humour, the way she’d find something to laugh at in this. 

She thanks the landlord and walks out, feels her skin crawling with desire to be rid of the place. 

She sits on a bench outside the apartment and watches the traffic crawl by. She has three more apartments to view this afternoon, and she’s not sure she has the strength, not sure she has the will. 

She sits her purse in her lap, pulls out her phone, and texts Aaron. 

**Maria:** Aaron it was so bad…

He texts back right away.

 **Aaron:** Sadly, most are. 

**Maria:** I don’t know if I can do this.

 **Aaron:** If you change your mind, you always have a home with us. But I think you can. You’ve done harder things than this, Maria. Apartment hunting isn’t fun, though, dunno who told you it would be.

Maria reads Aaron’s text, thinks about herself six months ago, standing on the street in the middle of the night with a rolling suitcase at her side, nothing in the world to hold onto except a text message from a lawyer she barely knew, promising safety. She thinks about how scared she was, how tired. How her legs and feet ached and her face throbbed with a nasty fresh bruise James gave her as an unknowing parting gift. 

She smiles a little, knows the girl she was then never would have dreamed she could become the girl she is now. 

**Maria:** Thanks Aaron. Hopefully the next ones are better. 

Maria looks up at the cloudy sky, takes a steadying breath. As much as she wishes Peggy and Herc were with her, she knows it’s good they’re not. Knows this is something she has to do on her own, for her. 

But still. 

She misses them with a fierceness that aches through her whole body, and maybe she can have her cake and eat it too, in this case. 

She smiles a bit, and sends a text to their group chat. 

**Maria:** Hey guys. I’m sorry I’ve taken so long. I’m ready to talk, I think my answer’s yes. 

There’s no reason she can’t find an apartment on her own, develop a life on her own, and have a wonderful boyfriend and girlfriend as a part of the new life she’s building… 

Her phone chimes in her hand, and nerves send a thrill through her body. 

**Peggy:** WOOHOO!!!!!!! WHEN AND WHERE I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU

 **Peggy:** IT’S BEEN WAY TOO LONG MARIA I’M NOT MAD AND I’M GLAD YOU TOOK THE TIME TO THINK THINGS THROUGH BUT GOD DAMN GIRL I MISS YOU IN MY LIFE COME BACK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **Peggy:** Seriously, when. Cause like, I’m ready now. 

**Peggy:** When.

 **Herc:** :)

Maria laughs, and she stands up, ready to take on the next apartment viewing, just knowing she has them in her corner. 

**Maria:** Tomorrow morning? Breakfast? I work tonight. I have so much to tell you :)

 **Peggy:** Work schmork. 

**Hercules:** We can’t all be freeloaders, Peg. I’ll make waffles if you bring mimosas?

 **Maria:** Done! See you tomorrow morning at your place, 10 ish. 

She tucks her phone away, steels herself for the next apartment viewing, and walks down the street.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing this tonight so in celebration of that, here's another chapter.

“Okay. Let’s talk.” Peggy sits backwards on a dining room chair, dressed in a pair of Herc’s gray sweatpants, the pockets inside out and sticking out to the sides, a black sports bra, and one of Herc’s slouchy knit beanies. She has a mimosa in a glass, pink paper umbrella and straw balanced precariously on the rim. 

Maria hugs her knees to her chest, mimosa class on the coffee table in front of her. She’s pressed into the corner of Herc’s couch, feet tucked under Peggy’s worn comforter. 

Herc sits at the other end of the couch, arms stretched out, legs splayed. Comfortable. Relaxed. 

They are full of waffles, easy small talk carrying them through breakfast. Maria basked in the chaos, missed the mess and the chatter and the hustle and bustle of all three of them crammed into Herc’s tiny kitchen together. 

“Okay, so,” Maria begins, nervous, unsure, heart pounding in her chest. She digs bravery out of the marrow of her bones, places she didn’t know she had it stored. “I want this. I do, but I’m scared.”

Peggy nods, she smiles, she takes a sip of her mimosa. 

“Yeah, me too-”

“Wait, you’re scared?” Maria blinks, surprised. Peggy never shows fear, never seems like she’s afraid of anything in her life. 

“Sure, of course,” Peggy replies easily, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Of what?” Maria asks. 

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?” Peggy teases. 

Maria laughs, and nods. 

“Herc?” Peggy tilts her head at him coyly. 

He laughs. 

“‘Course.”

“Alright. So like. You’re so incredible Mar, you work so hard and you’re so organized and driven and doing such crazy amazing things with your life. And, like, Herc’s so talented and has his own business and is already so successful and then I’m just like… me. I’m scared you’re both going to leave me in your dust. I’m scared you’ll love each other more than me. I’m scared I’m never going to amount to much of anything at all. Like, I dunno, you’re both out here doing all these crazy, hard, wonderful things and I’m just living rent free on Herc’s couch,” Peggy shrugs. 

Maria is left speechless, but Herc just nods like he knew all along, and maybe he did, maybe she’s told him this. 

In the silence, Peggy drains her mimosa. 

“Okay. Mar, your turn,” she says. 

Maria takes a deep breath and she picks at a loose thread on the knee of her jeans, staring intently down at it. 

“So um. I’m not scared that either of you are going to hurt me, but, I’m scared of being hurt. I’m scared that I’ve just started finding myself and that if I get into a relationship I’ll lose that. I don’t want to lose my freedom, my savings, my friends, my security…” Maria stops for a deep breath. “I’m scared you’ll love each other more. I’m scared you’ll get tired of waiting for me to be okay with things that should be easy. I’m scared that I don’t know how to be in a relationship, that I won’t be able to do the things I want to do anymore…” she trails off, chewing her lower lip. 

“Herc?” Peggy prompts quietly, after a moment. 

“Wow. Well, okay. I’m scared you’ll love each other more, too, so I guess we all three have that one in common. I’m scared I’ll get jealous, I guess, though I can’t see why because I love seeing you two together. I’m scared it’s going to be too hard, that I’m not going to be a good boyfriend to you both. I’m scared Angelica and Eliza will string me up for dating you, Pegs,” Herc laughs a little. “I guess I’m just nervous, cause I want this so much and it’s always scary to go for something you want so bad.”

Peggy holds up one finger to pause, and gets up to refill her mimosa. 

She comes back, and plops back down on the chair, chin resting on her forearm, and looks at Herc and Maria on opposite ends of the couch. 

“So, alright. If we promise each other to talk about all these things, to check in with each other about them, to make sure we communicate and are careful with each other… do you think we can try? Do you think between the three of us we can find a way to work this out? Cause I really think we could, and I really, really, really want to try,” Peggy says, and she’s not pleading but it’s close, and she’s smiling but it’s soft and unsure. 

Maria looks up, looks from Peggy to Herc and back again, and she feels a flash of anger at James for robbing her of things that make her happy, even now, and she nods fiercely. 

“Yes,” she says. Sure. Determined. 

“Yes,” Herc echoes, soft, confident. 

He shifts a little on the couch, makes a perfect Maria-sized space next to him on the couch, and looks over at her. His dark eyes are soft and kind, nothing of anger or control in them at all. 

Maria smiles, and she swallows all her nerves and scoots across the couch into that spot, tucks herself into his side with her head on his chest and his arm over her shoulders. 

“Hey, girlfriend,” he says, so quiet and soft and almost reverent that it damn near breaks her heart, and then he kisses her lightly on the top of her head and she closes her eyes for a moment so she doesn’t fall apart, and reaches one hand out to Peggy. 

“See, if that’s not just the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen,” Peggy says, joy palpable in her voice, and then she knocks over her chair, spills half her mimosa on the coffee table as she sets it down, and tumbles onto the couch and into their laps. 

“Hi, girlfriend. Hi, boyfriend,” she says, and she reaches up and twines her fingers through Maria’s and squeezes, and she kisses Herc on the knee and it sends a strange jolt through Maria. 

“God I must be dreaming,” Herc says. 

Maria giggles softly, closes her eyes again, relaxes into the wonderful feeling of being cuddled. 

“OW!” Herc yelps, jumping. “Peggy pinched me!”

“See. Not dreaming,” Peggy grins. 

Herc pouts, and Maria laughs, filled to the brim with warmth.


	10. Chapter 10

“Ugh!” Maria flops heavily into the chair next to Peggy’s. She’s hot, sweaty, and disheartened. 

“That good, huh?” Herc looks across the table at her, soft smile, easy relaxation. 

“Why do all apartments suck?” Maria pouts, defeated. 

Peggy wraps an arm around Maria’s shoulders, tugs her close, kisses the side of her head with a loud ‘mwah!’

“You’ll find something, I know you will!” She says brightly. 

“When?” Maria wails, leaning into Peggy’s touch. She smiles across the table at Herc, meets him halfway when he reaches out a hand to her, and delights in the way their fingers lace together. 

“Um. Tomorrow,” Peggy says. 

Maria laughs, and Herc squeezes her hand in his. 

“Lunch and forget about it for a while?” He suggests, nodding his head towards the unopened menu in front of her. 

“Yeah, good idea. I’m starving,” she lets go of Herc’s hand and sits up so she can open her menu and choose something to eat. 

Food does a lot to soothe her frustration. Her spicy chicken salad is delicious, as is the french fry Peggy steals off Herc’s plate and feeds to her. As is the look that crosses Herc’s face when Peggy’s fingers brush her lips, making her blush. 

Peggy chatters away happily, talking about her day, drawing them in, play arguing with Herc, flirting, teasing. It leaves Maria warm, relaxed and happy. It soothes her nerves, and she smiles when Herc picks up Peggy’s hand and kisses her long fingers, then gently strokes his fingers over Maria’s wrist, lest she feel left out. 

“Hey. Maria,” Peggy stops, sweet potato fry halfway to her mouth, and turns to look at Maria, all seriousness, all of a sudden. 

“Mmm?” Maria says, mouth full of lettuce. 

“Why don’t you just move in with us?” Peggy says. 

In the silence that follows, Maria’s heart stops and her food turns to lead in her mouth, fear drenching her sudden and strong. 

“What, why are you looking at me like that, it’s a great idea! Right Herc?” Peggy turns to look at Herc, and Herc nods slowly. 

“I mean, it’s a pretty small apartment, but if that’s what you wanna do, yeah, you could totally move in too,” he says. 

Maria wants to put down her fork, wants to get up and run away from the table. She feels like she can’t breathe, words stuck in her throat. 

She manages a tiny shake of her head. 

Herc frowns, reaches out for her hand, and Maria has to fight the instinct not to let him. 

Instead, she lets him take her hand, lets him squeeze it gently, tugging her back to earth. 

“Hey. You don’t have to. It’s just an idea. We would love you to come live with us, but if you’re not ready, or if you just plain don’t want to, we understand. Hell, I’m not sure if I’d have chosen to live with human hurricane Pegs if I’d know what I was signing up for,” Herc says with a grin. 

“Hey!” Peggy protests, picking up a dinner roll and throwing it across the table at Herc. 

Despite her fear, Maria laughs, and Herc squeezes her hand again. 

“I- I’m not ready,” she says, and the world doesn’t fall apart. No one yells or gets angry, no one calls her ungrateful, no one hits her or pulls her hair or squeezes her wrist until the bones grind together. 

Instead, Herc squeezes her hand gently. 

Instead, Peggy leans in and kisses her nose. 

“Okay. That’s okay too, I just thought like, it might be easier, and it’d be nice, one day. You don’t have to though. Maybe… maybe when you’re ready, whenever that is, we’ll find a place with three bedrooms, so we can each have our own little space, hmm?” Peggy suggests. 

Relief makes Maria’s bones turn to liquid, and she nods, fighting the threat of tears in her throat. 

“Yeah. Yeah, that would be easier, I think. One day,” she says. 

“Definitely a better idea than cramming us all into a one bedroom,” Herc laughs. 

~*~

So Maria goes back to viewing apartments, and at the end of a long day, she finds one. 

It’s within her budget, and it’s tiny, but it’s clean and in good repair, and Maria falls in love with the sloped ceilings that make the tiny bedroom seem even tinier than it is. She falls in love with the shiny gray counter tops and stainless steel appliances, with the tiny balcony that has just enough room for a couple of chairs and a small table. She falls in love with the half wall that opens the kitchen into the living room, that opens the space there up enough for it to feel light. 

“I’ll take it,” she says, and she fills out the paperwork with her heart skipping beats. 

She waits on pins and needles for three days until the landlord calls her, tells her she’s got it, the place is all hers.


	11. Chapter 11

Maria finds herself at Lafayette and John’s apartment again, sloshy margarita in hand, music pumping through the apartment, chatter and laughter blending in until there’s no sense in any of it anymore. 

She walks into the living room and stops dead, blinking at the scene in front of her- a lot changes in the time it takes for a girl to get a margarita from the kitchen, it turns out. 

John is splayed across the floor, beer tipping out of his hand and spilling on the carpet, laughing so hard she’s not sure he can breathe. 

Peggy is standing on the back of the couch, hands on her hips, shouting obscene instructions-

At Lafayette.

Lafayette, who is back to front with Herc, grinding in his lap in the middle of the living room, in time to the music.

Herc plays along, whooping and hollering, the way his hips move against Lafayette’s ass stirring something deep in Maria’s belly despite the hilarity of it all. 

Everyone’s laughing, drinks in hands, music loud, and it’s all so ridiculous that all Maria can do is stare. 

Quietly, Angelica sidles up to her. 

“Idiots, all of them,” she whispers in Maria’s ear, but she’s grinning, and something about her quiet approval makes it okay for Maria to giggle, and nod. 

“What even happened?” She hisses back, laughing, grinning too. “I was only gone for a moment.”

“John fell down.” Angelica shrugs. “Laf grabbed the nearest replacement, which happened to be Herc.”

“Hey! Watch it Ang she’s mine!” Peggy hollers across the room from her vantage point on top of the couch. 

Angelica raises her hands, innocent. 

“It’s not me you have to worry about!” She sends a glance to Adrienne that Maria catches, knowing grins, something deep and tightly wound passing between them. Adrienne sticks their tongue out at Maria, and winks. 

“Hey!” Peggy hollers again, louder. 

Angelica and Adrienne laugh, and Maria blushes. 

“Don’t you ever get jealous?” Maria whispers to Angelica, suddenly curious.

Angelica looks at her, takes a sip of her drink. 

“Sure. Of course. We talk it out, though, it’s alright,” she answers.

“Oh,” Maria says. 

At a loss, she takes a sip of her margarita, salt rim and sticky sweet lime flooding her senses. She lets the party wash over her again, laughter and shrieking and loud music. 

Lafayette and Herc end up in a heap on the floor, laughing like mad. 

Eliza reaches up from the couch, tugs Peggy’s ankle until she falls too, landing on top of her older sister with a yelp of protest. 

Maria shakes her head, smiling, and sneaks out onto the quiet balcony. She needs a moment. 

She sits on the plush chaise lounge, tucks her feet up against herself, balances her margarita on her knees. 

In the quiet summer night, she breathes deeply. She’s a little tipsy, head spinning pleasantly as she leans her head back and closes her eyes for a moment, relishing the peace and quiet. 

“Maria?” 

It’s a voice that still sends a steel rod down her spine, even after all this time. 

Maria sits up straight, tension flooding her, eyes wide as Alex steps out onto the balcony and slides the door closed behind him. 

“Hey Alex…” she says warily, tucking her legs closer to her body. She doesn’t want to be alone out here with him, not after everything that passed between them, not now that she’s just starting to relax with him around in a group. 

“Hey. Can I sit?” He gestures to the end of the chaise. 

Reluctantly, Maria nods. 

“Thanks,” he says. He sits down, turned towards her, beer in his hand. 

“What do you want, Alex?” Maria asks, and it comes out harsher than she means it, it comes out more wounded than she means it.

The sight of him still makes her heart ache. His large dark eyes, his messy dark hair, full lips, way of looking at the world like he might swallow it whole if he could. 

The way he held her.

The way he hurt her. 

He sighs deeply, and takes a swig of his beer, frothy foam and amber liquid bubbling softly at his lips. 

“I want to apologize. Maria, I’m sorry. I should never have treated you the way I did,” he says, and it’s earnest and urgent and he looks at her like he really means it, and something inside her shivers and shrinks away. 

“I…” she says, uncertain. 

“Seriously. I know like, you approached me and all, but I should have said no. I should have realized you weren’t acting out of free will, I should have thought of Eliza, I should never have gone for it and I should never have let it go as long as it did,” he says in a rush. 

Maria shrugs, and sips her margarita, distracting herself with the tangy sweetness, the sharp bite of tequila. 

“Honestly, Alex, no, you shouldn’t have. But I shouldn’t have either,” she says quietly, “Still. You showed me what it was like to be touched gently, and then you took that away, and without that… I’m not sure I would have ever left, so…” she trails off, looks out over the edge of the balcony at the city lights. 

“Still, it wasn’t right of me. I took advantage of the position you were in, and I’m sorry,” he says.

“Thank you,” she says, and she means it, and she forgives him, and for the first time she can look at him and smile without it feeling complicated. 

He smiles back, and he doesn’t reach for her in any way and she’s glad of the distance. 

“Maybe we can be friends, one day,” he says, a little wistful.

“I’d like that,” she says, and she means it, because there’s always been so much of him she admires. 

They sit in silence for a moment, and then he gets up, just as the sliding door opens and Herc sticks his head out. 

The look he shoots Alex isn’t entirely friendly, and Maria blinks in surprise, and Alex steps towards the door, heading inside while Herc comes out and closes the door behind him. 

He sits on the chaise, closer to her than Alex just was, and puts a protective hand on her knee. 

His hand is warm and solid and reassuring, and Maria lets her legs drop so she’s sitting cross legged and she smiles at Herc, a little shaken but mostly okay. 

“He didn’t do anything to you, did he?” Herc asks, something sharp and protective in his voice that makes her sit up and take notice. 

She shakes her head, and fear creeps in and up her spine. 

“No, no. We were just talking- I’m sorry,” she says, shoulders rounding, gaze dropping to the margarita in her hands. Something desperate and small crawls up her throat and she wants to shrink, wants to curl up, wants to cry. 

The touch of Herc’s fingers to her chin is so gentle it startles her. 

He lifts her chin to look in her eyes, and there’s no anger there, nothing but concern in his furrowed brow, his soft dark eyes. 

“Hey. I’m not mad, Maria. You can talk to him, God, you can talk to whoever you want. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he says.

“Oh,” she whispers, trembling a little. “I’m sorry,” she says again, ashamed of her fear. 

Herc’s thumb strokes her jaw, and he sits back, gives her her space, but opens his arms to invite her into his. 

“Don’t be sorry my girl, it’s alright. I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” he repeats. 

“Okay,” she says, and she sets down her margarita and she crawls into his arms and he folds her up in a hug and kisses the top of her head. He holds her loosely, gently, wraps her up in soft protection until her trembling stops and she relaxes into him, letting her face tuck into the crook of his neck. 

“So are you?” He prompts softly into her curls. 

“What?” She murmurs, wants to burrow deeper into his gentle embrace and fall asleep there.

“Okay?”

“Oh. Yeah,” she says. “He just wanted to talk. To apologize.”

“Oh. Good,” Herc murmurs. He brings his hand up slowly, rubs her back in gentle strokes. “I’ll never get angry with you for talking to anyone, Maria. I promise. I won’t yell at you, I’ll never hit you, or bully you, God. I promise, okay?” 

She nods against his chest, lump in her throat making it hard to speak. 

“Okay,” she whispers.


	12. Chapter 12

Their last quiet weekend together. 

Maria makes breakfast, sets out a gourmet spread of sauces and toppings, coffee and fruit juice, fluffy french toast and crispy bacon. She’ll miss these breakfasts, quiet Sunday mornings in pyjamas, basking in the morning sun spilling onto the kitchen table. 

She sips her tea, sitting around the table with Theo and Aaron. 

“I’m going to miss eating this well,” Aaron says as he helps himself to french toast and bacon. 

“You know where to find me,” Maria teases. She’s left her address for Theo and Aaron, implored them to come visit her often. 

“We have one last favour to ask you, Maria,” Theo says, voice warm, easy smile on her face. She’s starting to show, soft rounding of her belly that makes her glow. 

“Of course,” Maria says, knows she’ll agree to whatever it is in a heartbeat. 

“Well, think on it, if you need to. Aaron and I, we were thinking, we would be honoured if you would be the baby’s godmother,” Theo says. 

Maria is floored. 

She just stares for a long moment, and then lets out a shaky breath. 

“What- what does that entail?” She asks. 

“It means we want you to be a part of the baby’s life, like an aunt. We want you to help us raise it, teach it about life and the world and family. It means that if anything ever happened to us, that the baby would have someone, that you would protect it and care for it in our stead,” Aaron says quietly, voice serious but warm. 

“I, wow,” Maria says. 

She pictures herself with a baby, pictures herself holding Theo and Aaron’s baby in her arms, feeding it, changing it, showing it the world. 

She swallows hard, and she nods.

“No crying,” Aaron pleads. 

Theo and Maria laugh, both of them a little choked up.

“Of course,” Maria says fiercely. “Absolutely, I would love to, I, God, I’m gonna love her- or him- so much,” she says. 

They all laugh again, a little giddy, a little relieved, a little sad that these months of Maria calling the couch her home are coming to an end.

“We know, that’s why we asked you,” Theo says, and she reaches over and squeezes Maria’s hand. 

On her other side, Aaron takes her other hand, gives it a squeeze too. 

Maria swallows her tears, and squeezes back.


	13. Chapter 13

Their last quiet weekend together. 

Maria makes breakfast, sets out a gourmet spread of sauces and toppings, coffee and fruit juice, fluffy french toast and crispy bacon. She’ll miss these breakfasts, quiet Sunday mornings in pyjamas, basking in the morning sun spilling onto the kitchen table. 

She sips her tea, sitting around the table with Theo and Aaron. 

“I’m going to miss eating this well,” Aaron says as he helps himself to french toast and bacon. 

“You know where to find me,” Maria teases. She’s left her address for Theo and Aaron, implored them to come visit her often. 

“We have one last favour to ask you, Maria,” Theo says, voice warm, easy smile on her face. She’s starting to show, soft rounding of her belly that makes her glow. 

“Of course,” Maria says, knows she’ll agree to whatever it is in a heartbeat. 

“Well, think on it, if you need to. Aaron and I, we were thinking, we would be honoured if you would be the baby’s godmother,” Theo says. 

Maria is floored. 

She just stares for a long moment, and then lets out a shaky breath. 

“What- what does that entail?” She asks. 

“It means we want you to be a part of the baby’s life, like an aunt. We want you to help us raise it, teach it about life and the world and family. It means that if anything ever happened to us, that the baby would have someone, that you would protect it and care for it in our stead,” Aaron says quietly, voice serious but warm. 

“I, wow,” Maria says. 

She pictures herself with a baby, pictures herself holding Theo and Aaron’s baby in her arms, feeding it, changing it, showing it the world. 

She swallows hard, and she nods.

“No crying,” Aaron pleads. 

Theo and Maria laugh, both of them a little choked up.

“Of course,” Maria says fiercely. “Absolutely, I would love to, I, God, I’m gonna love her- or him- so much,” she says. 

They all laugh again, a little giddy, a little relieved, a little sad that these months of Maria calling the couch her home are coming to an end.

“We know, that’s why we asked you,” Theo says, and she reaches over and squeezes Maria’s hand. 

On her other side, Aaron takes her other hand, gives it a squeeze too. 

Maria swallows her tears, and squeezes back.


	14. Chapter 14

Moving day is a simple process. 

Maria and her suitcase move from Theo and Aaron’s couch to the middle of the small living room of her new apartment. 

Furniture, made possible through a gift of money from Theo and Aaron that left Maria a speechless, weeping, puddle on the floor. They wouldn’t hear of taking it back, and in the end Maria and Theo had spent a day shopping together, picking out the perfect things to furnish Maria’s tiny space. 

She stands at loose ends, watches delivery crews bring in the new furniture and set it where she tells them. 

They leave her to unwrap all the plastic, to vacuum and sweep up the traces of their footprints. 

She unpacks her suitcase into her new closet, arranges all her clothes just so. 

Eventually, she’s cleaned and arranged and unpacked the apartment half to death, and there’s simply nothing left to do. 

She sits on her pale gray sofa, hugs a fluffy cream coloured cushion to her chest, and looks around. 

It’s tiny, but it’s hers, and it’s perfect and overwhelming all at once. 

She’s chosen soft grays and rose gold to furnish, texture and softness and warmth wrapping around her like a hug. The living room rug is braided fabrics, soft and textured, gray, cream, and pale pinks and lavenders. Behind her, she’s hung a waterfall of fairy lights. 

She pulls a soft, cream, oversized knit throw blanket down from the back of the couch, tucks herself in and curls up in the corner of the couch in her new home. 

All hers. 

For the first time in her life, she’s alone. 

For the first time in her life, she’s exactly where she’s chosen to be. 

For the first time in her life, she has something that belongs only to her, and she’s earned it and worked for it and she’s safe here. 

She’s safe here. 

The tears start unexpectedly, and then there’s nothing at all she can do to stop it, sitting in the middle of a space that’s all hers, sobbing so hard she thinks her heart might just rip right out of her chest. 

She squeezes the pillow in her lap, tries to take deep breaths, tries to ground herself, and just ends up sobbing harder. 

A year ago, she never would have pictured that she could ever have gotten here, and now that she’s here it’s terrifying and overwhelming and she shakes with the force of it all as the sun sets low in the sky and she wonders when it’s supposed to actually feel like home and not just the next strange place she’s laying her head. 

Her phone chimes, screen lighting up the darkening room. 

Maria wipes her eyes and nose on the back of her sleeve and picks it up, choking on another sob.

 **Aaron:** How’re you doing?

A fresh wave of sobs threatens to overwhelm her, and she drops her phone in her lap and presses the heels of her hands to her eyes and cries and cries and cries. Relief and sadness and fear overwhelming in her bones. 

Shakily, she picks up her phone, and she can barely see through her tears, but she types out and answer anyways. 

**Maria:** Okay. It’s weird.

 **Aaron:** Weird how? Are you alright?

 **Maria:** I’m so alone. I’m not sure I was ready for this. It’s overwhelming, Aaron. 

She feels better for the confession, feels better to have someone to chat with, even if it’s just by text. 

**Aaron:** I know you’re ready. You can do it, Maria. You always have a home here, but I bet if you give it a chance, you’ll love it. Are you okay?

Maria looks around, looks at this space that’s all hers, that’s furnished with a combination of gifts from Aaron and Theo, and her own savings, and she knows she’ll learn to love it, loves it already, in a way. She feels bad for being upset, for sobbing into her first night here. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers out loud to the apartment. “You’re a good home. I don’t mean it. It’s just scary being on my own for the first time.”

 **Maria:** Thanks Aaron. I’ll be okay.

She puts on some music, anything to drown out the empty space. She tugs the throw blanket up to her chin, snuggles in on the couch, and browses mindlessly through Pinterest on her phone. 

Eventually, she falls asleep right there on the couch.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW sexual harassment

Days pass, and Aaron is right, it does get easier. 

Maria’s apartment begins to feel like home to her. 

After the first night, she doesn’t fall asleep on the couch, but in her bed, buried in gray and rose pink comforters, throw cushions, and pillows, the little gossamer half canopy at the head of the bed that had seemed so silly and indulgent proving comforting. 

She lights candles when she’s home, keeps one of Herc’s himalayan salt lamps turned on in her bedroom. 

She eats breakfast on her tiny balcony, perched in a little wooden chair at a little wooden table, watching the world go by. 

She cooks, filling her freezer with leftovers. She cleans, the apartment spotless at all times. 

She lounges on the couch flipping through magazines, sleeps in and wakes slowly and easily in her bed, rearranges her closet four times before she’s happy with it. 

She stretches, she breathes, and vertebrae by vertebrae, she begins to learn how to relax. 

~*~

It’s the same with Herc and Peggy. 

Slowly, she learns to breathe, learns to relax, learns that they love her just how she is, that she doesn’t have to change or obey or make herself small. 

She learns that she can laugh, and love them back, and make mistakes. 

She learns that there’s room for all three of them, that together they fit together in a way that lacks words it feels so perfect. 

She relaxes, and she blossoms under the soft way Herc cares for her, under the playful way Peggy draws her out. 

~*~

She feels so happy, so confident and content and glowing. 

It shines through at work, in the way she can smile and flirt with the customers with more confidence, in the way the tips roll in. In the way regulars notice it, and smile, and compliment her. 

So when, near the end of her shift one night when she’s alone, a pair of men sit down at her bar, she thinks nothing of it. 

When they lean in and leer at her in her tight red dress and her high heels, cleavage on display, she ignores the shiver that runs down her spine. 

“Hey there boys, what can I get for you?” She asks, red lipped smile genuine, safe behind her bar. 

The taller one leans in, looks her up and down real slow, and it makes the hair on her arms stand on end, and it makes her want to jump into the shower, and it makes her want to run away. 

“You know what I’d like,” he says, and he grins. Feral. Proprietal. 

“Excuse me?” Maria says, back going ramrod straight, eyebrows flying up. 

“You heard me. How much for half an hour with you?” He asks. 

Maria’s cheeks burn, and she glances around, hoping like hell someone else has come into the bar while she wasn’t looking. 

“Um. Not on the menu. How about a drink?” Maria tries to deflect, but he’s caught her off guard and she’s stumbling, composure threatening to leave her. 

“I’m not thirsty,” he says, aggression thinly veiled. 

His friend leans in, dark look on his face. 

“Unless you’re offering body shots,” dark humour in his voice. 

He reaches across to try to touch her, and Maria snatches her arm away. 

“Also not on the menu. Please don’t touch me,” she snaps. 

“C’mon now, don’t be a tease,” the first man says, leaning in closer. 

“I’m not teasing. Unless you’re ordering something off the menu, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Maria says. She turns away from them, hands trembling as she pours the remains of her cold earl gray tea down the sink. 

“Big talk for a little girl all alone…” 

Maria turns sharply, hand on one hip, all false bravado as she picks up her phone in her other hand and glares at the two men leaning over the bar- _her_ bar. 

“Is that a threat?” She snaps, “because if it is, I’ll be calling the cops.”

The two men look at each other. Their expressions turn dark. 

“You really think they’ll get here in time?” The first one asks. 

Maria wants to cry. She wants to curl up in a ball behind the bar and let them take what they want because it would be easier. Because maybe if she cooperates they won’t hurt her so bad. 

The echoes of all the bruises James left on her, of the times he broke her bones and she had to lie to the doctors, the times he left her to patch up her own wounds, they all come rushing back. 

“Yeah, actually,” she says, a sharpness in her voice she doesn’t feel in her bones. 

She unlocks her phone, holds it up and presses the 9 so they can see. 

“Fucking cunt,” the second man curses under his breath. 

Fury surges through Maria’s bones. She doesn’t want to be a target again. She’s worked hard to crawl out from the hole James dug for her, and she’ll be damned if she lets these two men push her back in. 

“Get out of my bar,” she says, and she dials the 1 on her phone. 

“Fuck you, bitch,” the first man snarls, and they stand up, knocking over one of the bar stools, and they stalk out. 

Maria waits a heartbeat, then runs out from behind the bar and locks the door. 

She picks up the fallen barstool, sets it right and wipes it off with her rag. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, “you didn’t deserve that.”

All of her false bravado crumbles at her feet. 

She retreats behind the bar, sits on the footstool, and curls up in a ball. She grabs her phone, and she can’t text Peggy because Peggy’s at home with her sisters, outside of the city, too far away to help, so instead, without even really thinking about it, she sends a text to Herc through blinding sobs and shaking hands. 

**Maria** : help

He texts back almost immediately.

 **Herc:** Where are you? Are you okay?

 **Maria:** bar. No. 

**Herc:** On my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Are you safe?

 **Maria:** yes

Relief floods through her, kicking off another set of wracking sobs. Fear lingers in her bones, makes her shake, makes her small. 

She jumps to her feet, fear propelling her into action. Herc can’t see her like this, tear streaked and shaking and vulnerable. Sitting still while there’s work to be done, mess to be cleaned up. 

She scrubs a paper towel over her cheeks, hoping it’s enough to get rid of the eyeliner and mascara she’s certain is everywhere. 

She scrubs down the bartop and the tables, puts up the chairs, puts the drink garnishes in the fridge, throws out the ice, wipes down the ice containers, puts away the last of the glasses. 

She takes out the garbage and cashes herself out and locks up the til. 

She turns off the glass washer and turns off the TV and the music, and when she’s finished sweeping the floor and there’s nothing else left to do except wait for Herc, she frantically scans the bar looking for anything, anything at all that might not be perfect. 

A knock on the door makes her shriek, makes her jump, makes her eyes fill with tears and the shaking start up all over again. 

“Maria? It’s Hercules!”

Herc.

For one blinding, fear filled moment, Maria doesn’t want to let him in. 

Has to forcibly remind herself that Herc isn’t James. 

She unlocks the door and locks it again behind him.

“Maria? What happened, what’s wrong?” Herc looks at her, and she’s afraid to look up at him, tears spilling over her lashes again, shaking from head to toe. 

“Hey,” he says, softly, and she looks up. “Maria, it’s alright. I’m here, what can I do?” 

He looks helpless, worry written all over his face, nothing harsh, nothing angry, no blame to be found. 

She stands there and looks at him, and he opens his arms to offer a hug and that’s all she needs to remind her that she’s come so far and found so much. 

She crashes against him, collapses into his solid strength and sobs against the softness of his T-shirt, the comfort of his citrus mint smell. 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he murmurs. 

He picks her up, and she loops her arms around his neck, buries her face against him. She doesn’t resist as he carries her to a booth and fits them both inside, cradling her in his lap and holding her close. He kisses the top of her head, rests his lips there and rocks her, gentle, calm.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whimpers, over and over into the softness of his skin. 

“Easy, easy. You don’t have to apologize to me, my girl, I’m here, it’s alright, we’ll make it better,” Herc murmurs.

Maria gives in, cries out all her fear and fury into Herc’s chest, lets him hold her through it, lets him take it from her. 

Finally, when she’s cried out and quiet, trembling and limp in his embrace, he tips her chin up with his fingers and kisses her forehead gently. 

“What happened Maria?” he asks. 

“These guys, they came in…” her voice shakes and she doesn’t want to tell him because she’s scared he’ll be angry with her, even though she knows he isn’t James, even though he’s never once been angry at her for anything. “They wanted…” she can’t say it. She presses her face to Herc’s neck, whispers ‘I’m sorry’.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” he says, stroking her back gently. 

“They threatened me, so I started to call the cops, and they ran off,” Maria finishes. 

“I’m so proud of you for standing up to them,” Herc says. 

“You’re not mad?” she asks, just to make sure.

“Never. For something like that? Never. I’m so grateful you’re safe, that nothing worse happened. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to protect you, but I’m so glad you were able to protect yourself,” Herc says.

“But it’s not your fault,” Maria blinks up at him, sniffling. 

“It’s also not your fault,” Herc smiles softly at her. “Now, can I take you home?”

Maria nods, and she lets Herc help her into her coat, lets him call a cab, lets him gently wipe the worst of the mascara from her cheeks with a damp kleenex. 

With his steadying arm around her shoulders, she lets him help her home.


	16. Chapter 16

By the time Herc leads Maria into her apartment and locks the door behind them, she’s started to relax. 

“I need to shower,” she says, desperate to wash the night off her.

“Go ahead. I’m right here if you need me,” Herc says, and he flops down on her couch and lets her go. 

Grateful, Maria retreats into her pink and gray bedroom. She turns on the himalayan salt lamp and gathers a tank top and a pair of pj pants, shoots Herc a small smile as she heads to the bathroom, curled in on herself, shoulders round, feeling small. 

The hot water is a blessing, and there under the cover of hot water, she cries again, turns her face to the spray and scrubs herself pink to get rid of the memory of the way those words touched her skin. Steam fills the bathroom, fogging up the mirror and carrying phantom filth away from her. 

She washes her face clean of smeared makeup and tears, lets the scent of her vanilla chai body wash fill the bathroom, and finally, finally feels clean enough to turn off the water and wrap up in a towel. 

Exhaustion seeps into her bones as she dries off and changes into her pjs, brushes her teeth and moisturizes her face. She wraps her arms around herself and steps out of the bathroom, looks at Herc sitting right where she left him on her couch, and feels a rush of affection for him. 

“Hi,” she says softly, shy. 

“Feel better?” He asks. 

“Getting there,” she says, and her fear leaves a chasm between them that makes her ache in her bones. She wants to cross it, desperately, but she’s scared and she doesn’t know how. 

“What can I do?” he asks, reaching across that space. 

“Um,” Maria stands in her bare feet in the middle of her apartment, and she doesn’t know what to do with her hands or her body or her bare feet. 

“Do you want to watch TV? Snack? Sleep?” Herc offers some options, and Maria is grateful for it. 

“Um, sleep,” she says, weariness flooding through her. 

“Okay. Do you want me to go home? Stay?”

“Stay,” she doesn’t want to be alone. 

“Out here, or would you like cuddles?” Herc watches her close, softness in all the lines of his body, and she’s so grateful for him. 

“Um. Cuddles,” she says, soft. Her heart skips a beat at the idea, but this is Herc, and he won’t hurt her, and slowly, slowly, she’s learning that deep under her bones. 

“Okay,” he stands up, follows her into her bedroom, and in the soft light of the salt lamp, Maria wishes for a moment that she was ready for so much more. 

She crawls into bed, scoots against the wall to make room for Herc too. 

The bed feels small with him in it too, and Maria has to breathe for a moment before she closes the distance between them. She snuggles up against him, lets him tuck the covers in around them, and relaxes into his soft embrace. 

“There, all good?” Herc asks. 

“Mmhmm,” Maria tucks her head under Herc’s chin, closes her eyes, lets herself float away on the way he makes her feel so protected, so cherished. 

~*~

Maria wakes up nestled in the crook of Herc’s arm, her head pillowed on his chest, leg hooked over his hips. He is warm and solid, and his large hand resting against the small of her back keeps her close and safe. Her fingers are curled in the fabric of his t-shirt, as if in sleep she feared he’d leave her. 

Cradled against him, the memory of last night seems blurred and far away, something she can look at without shaking, without fear. 

She turns her head, presses a soft kiss of thanks to Herc’s chest, closes her eyes. 

“Good morning,” he says. 

Maria blushes, hadn’t realized he was already awake. 

“Hi,” she whispers. 

“How’re you feeling?” He asks, stroking a soft circle on the small of her back with his thumb. 

“I’m okay,” she says, and she means it. “Thank you, for last night.”

Herc kisses the top of her head, and Maria twists to look up at him. 

“That’s what boyfriends are for,” he says. He reaches up, cups her face in his free hand, and she leans into the touch, savours the way her whole body softens to his gentle caress. 

Maria smiles, watches him watching her, and wants more of that softness, more of him touching her. 

“Peggy’s on her way,” Herc says. He brushes a stray curl from her forehead, runs a fingertip down her nose. “I talked to her last night, and unlocked the door this morning so she can come in when she gets here.”

“Oh,” Maria blinks, scrunching up her nose under Herc’s fingertip. “She’s busy though.”

“Not too busy for something like this. You need our support today, so we’re gonna support you. We’re gonna love you so hard you forget to be scared and hurt at all,” Herc says, and he punches a fist into the air like a superhero, and it makes Maria laugh and shake her head. 

“Kiss me, Herc,” she says, and the words are out of her mouth before she realizes she wants it, but when he blinks at her and asks if she’s sure, she whispers “yes”. Fiercely. Desperately. 

“Oh Maria,” Herc whispers back. 

He cups her chin in his hand again, and shifts over to his side so he can lean in and kiss her. Gently. Thoroughly. 

Maria melts into it with a whimper. 

She twines their legs together, presses in closer, her hand flat on Herc’s chest, and she parts her lips to the gentle request of his tongue. 

She could lose herself here, drown in the sweetness, the careful way he handles her. 

Her hands wander timidly, stroke his chest and shoulders and back, wind up into his hair and back down, and through it all he just holds her gently, kisses her like he never wants to stop, and gives her space to heal. 

“Well, I should go away more often,” Peggy says from the doorway. 

Maria blushes furiously, pushing herself up on her elbow to stare at Peggy. 

Peggy smiles, and she crawls onto the bed on Maria’s other side and wriggles under the covers. 

“My girl, my sweet Maria, I’m so, so sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” she says, and she kisses Maria’s shoulder and cuddles up, wrapping her arms around her. 

“It’s not your fault,” Maria says, and she basks in the affection, loves the feeling of being pressed between them both. Close. Warm. Safe. 

“I know, but still.” she nuzzles the back of Maria’s neck, making her giggle. “You should go back to kissing Herc, though, ‘cause that might just be the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen, and I want to see more of it.”

Maria blushes again, but she does as she’s told, and then they’re trading kisses three ways, all softness and love and affection. 

They hold her like she’s something precious, and slowly, starting from her toes, Maria begins to believe it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's a wrap kids. It's been fun. 
> 
> You can find me at chessiewritespoems @ gmail.com or on instagram
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
